I have been on an emotional roller coaster lately, trying to come to terms with
miscarriage and
death, and my ongoing frustrations with self acceptance. I'm not going to lie, it has been a struggle.
I try to keep my blog a fairly upbeat place, but I also believe in being real -- and my reality lately hasn't been upbeat. Conundrum.
I am starting to regain my signature optimism -- and I'd like to take you along for the ride.
There are two things that I force myself to hold on to when I am in a dark place:
1) It is always darkest before the dawn
This helps me to name and accept the darkness, to realize that is has a hold on me, but also know that the light is out there -- and although I cannot see it now, it isn't too far away.
2) (the old stand by) Everything happens for a reason
As much as I believe this, I HATE IT when people say it to me when I am in a dark place. I don't want others to tell me, and I try hard not to be the one who says it to others who are struggling, but when I am able to see it again -- it helps tremendously.
There have been many times when I just don't want to believe that it is true -- where I don't want to believe that my pain is part of some serendipitous plan. It is once I have made it into the dawn that this starts to become more apparent, and satisfying is some way.
Some quotes that have been helping me lately:
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid
"...devalue the size and shape of your body and celebrate it's purpose -- to house your mind and soul, to give you physical means to embrace your loved ones, to create the things for which you are passionate" (written here) -- Amber Doty
Things that I feel good about today:
- I exercised 26 out of 29 days in Feb, and more days than not in March
- I am done freaking out about dieting and exercise. If I stay this size forever, so what, I am not worth any less than I would be 30 lbs lighter
- I booked an extended weekend in the Everglades with a good friend: May 18th cannot come fast enough
- I got a promotion at work
- My little family is healthy
- Spring is just around the corner -- over 50 all week :-)
- I got my hair chopped off and purchased new glasses
- I have rekindled my romance with nail polish
- I have been getting semi-regular pedicures and refuse to feel selfish about it
- I bought skinny jeans, and I feel great in them
Photo Journey
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| Learning to "skate" |
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| Finally got my title put onto a glass |
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| Lorax 3D : Good Stuff |
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| My cat's tail has a life of its own |
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My wall is not that yellow. Those frames need to be painted and
pictures inserted/changed... but at least they are hung. |
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| Hello "Lincoln Park After Midnight" |
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| Getting a haircut -- almost finished! |
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| Glasses. Not the best angle/photo -- but you get it. |
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I should have used something for scale... because
this pile was huge. |
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I had a million smiling out-takes because when I smile
I lift my chin and I get a bad pic -- even the millionth time.
I promise, I wasn't pissed. |
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Playing "chubby bunny" with the marshmallows we
purchased to make smore's in the fireplace
when the power was out. Haha.
(That is Andrea) |
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Mysaiah went to an Elementary carnival and
returned a sugared up dog... |
And that is my life... lately.
Xx
Angie
