Moments of Impact

There are moments of impact in every person's life: memorable firsts, defining moments in their career path, blissful moments of pure love for a spouse or a child, moments of pure agony and loss, painful moments that make you question your body's capabilities, and moments of pure insanity.

The feelings and experiences happen in a moment and stay with you forever, comforting or horrifying you for an eternity. I have been there, I have felt all of those -- and many more.

A call I received today at 2:43a was one of those moments. A life was lost entirely too soon this morning. My 28 year old cousin passed away.

Moment of impact.

We all experience varying degrees of loss and will continue to endure them until we ourselves are lost to our own loved ones. Each loss comes with its own horrific nuances. There is never a real answer to the question "why" and even if there was, it would never suffice. The suffering endured after the loss of a loved one deserves to be its own circle in hell.

Merely thinking of the pain of his immediate family is almost too much for me to handle; the pain of being them right now must be unimaginable.

I wish pain and suffering were tangible elements that could be broken apart and shared, so that no one person would be made to swallow more than they were able. 

I wish this all the time. 

My moment of impact in this instance pales in comparison to that of his parents or sister. And nothing makes me feel more helpless than not being able to help them in some way -- but how do you help? Where do you begin? What do you say?

Is there even a right answer to those questions?

I always start with "I love you," and I always mean it way deeper than I could ever express in words. I wish that next I could tear away their pain and run away with it... and just dump it in the ocean, or bury it way down deep -- close to hell, where suffering like that belongs.

A life lost so young and filled with so much promise is vomit inducing. There is so much life to go on living without them, and too many years will pass before meeting them again. It's unnatural and maddening. It makes you question everything. It makes you reflect on your life, your choices, your circumstances. It makes you hug everyone tighter and leads you to strive to live bigger and more fully. It sends you on a journey to make it all mean something...anything. 

I don't know where to begin today. So, I started here. Writing usually helps put my head in the game, and gain some perspective. I don't know what the next few weeks will hold for me, or for my family, but I know this:

"Sometimes life feels sooooooo long. And sometimes it feels too short" -- Mom

Today, it feels too short.

Xx
Angie

UPDATED: DIY Cold Sore Remedy?

UPDATED: Since I have been getting quite a bit of traffic due to this post I felt like it was time for an update. Updated info in bold below.

For as long as I remember I have gotten cold sores.

They are disgusting, painful, embarrassing, annoying, hard to cover up, and they always come at the worst time -- especially the stress induced ones, because often times (for me at least) what you are stressed about is a big meeting, appearance, test, etc and cold sores only make the situation worse.

I get them from stress, from sun, and especially from citrus. I don't go near citrus fruits or fruit juices, I go easy on tomato products, I question everything in restaurants, and I slather on SPF lip-balm multiple times per day.

And I still get them semi-regularly. I loathe them.

I've never found a remedy that has worked for me -- in 20+ years. I hate Abreva, Carmex seems to make it worse, I don't want to take Valtrex every day, and so on.

It might be a bit premature to be singing from the mountain tops about the {amazing} and super cheap -- maybe even free -- cold sore remedy I found!

I read and bookmarked this a while back: How to get rid of cold sores fast!


There are a bunch of listed remedies ranging from homeopathic type to over the counter and prescriptions, so I wasn't sure where to start ... I was going to try yogurt, tea tree oil, bactine, salt and peroxide paste, etc etc -- but instead I started with pure vanilla extract*. I figured I should only try one "remedy" at a time so that I wouldn't be confused about what was working and what wasn't.

I dabbed a little on the sore with my pinky finger about 4 times yesterday, starting immediately after the "tingle" and remembering to go back and read the article I bookmarked.

The sore was just a little blister when I started, and by bedtime it hadn't grown a bit -- and this morning, NOTHING! No swelling, nothing! I couldn't believe it. I had rolled my eyes yesterday at the comments that said that this-or-that had worked in one day, since every cold sore I have ever had has lasted nearly two weeks from first tingle to last scab.

Now, as I said -- this could be premature, and I will be sure to update if there are any changes, or if this doesn't work next time ... but right now I am cautiously optimistic!

Additionally I should note that many of the other remedies that I have tried in the past have worked famously for other people, and maybe vanilla extract will not work for you -- but I encourage you not to give up or lose hope. Find your cure. But remember, it might be best to stick to one remedy at a time!

I am currently on my 4th cold sore using the vanilla extract remedy. The last three times the vanilla worked as described above, although I will note that I continued to use the vanilla even after it "disappeared" -- using it until I felt absolutely nothing there, as a precaution. (About 3 days, decreasing in frequency each day) 


With my 4th sore I've found vanilla to be slightly less effective. While it still stopped the progression in it's tracks, it is still there -- even though it is very small and dried out already (day 2). 

The vanilla being less effective could be because:


1) Maybe I am becoming immune to it's effects over time?
2) I used a store brand vanilla extract instead of the organic extract I used before?
3) Store brand vanilla is less potent/pure than store brand?

I am not a doctor, so that is all speculation. 


*I used Organic vanilla extract. Also, pure vanilla extract was recommended and used, and I'm unsure if imitation would suffice -- but I personally doubt it.

Please let me know if this works for you! Or, if it didn't, what you have tried that you found helpful.

AND! While you are here feel free to click around. There is a lot more to my blog than talk of cold sores. Thank goodness.

Right now I am on a 349 day writing spree.

X Angie

Things I am happy about today

When I am angry or sad or depressed, sometimes I want to be just that -- angry, sad, depressed ... alone and mad at the world -- but often times I want to stop and just be happy, snap out of it, and move forward.

Perhaps I am being overly optimistic, but sometimes, when you are in the thick of it -- whether that is miscarriage or trying to form healthy habits, or something much bigger or significantly smaller -- it is helpful to remember what makes you happy.

This is me, after a sleepover at our cousins -- so happy -- imagine me looking like this today, with darker hair and less fancy clothes. (Taken at a 6 year old height)

Today, I want to think about the things that make me happy -- and dwell on the good, because I have been doing a lot of unproductive dwelling lately, and I need to move forward.

Happy Thoughts: 

1. Two days in a row I soaked up some sunshine through the sunroof and sang loudly to the radio while running errands and sipping on iced latte's in February.
2. Spring is just around the corner, and our neighborhood is amazing in the Spring.
3. My first "by line" is officially in print, Michigan HOME & Lifestyle's Spring issue -- on newsstands now!
4. It is about time to plant the seedlings for our second garden, and we have lots of ideas.
5. Our house has already been Spring cleaned on the inside, let the decorating begin.
6. Clint and I are going to go on a date this weekend, it has been a while and we are stoked.
7. I have a Dr's appointment tomorrow where I expect to get the "all clear" from my miscarriage, which means we can start trying again in coming weeks -- fingers crossed.
8. I am reading Bossypants by Tina Fey, it's a laugh a minute. I am trying not to rush through it like I do with every book and to just savor the laughs as I need them.
9. The good outweighs the bad, and I am so unbelievably fortunate to be where I am today with an amazing support system of people around me. I have received care cards and packages, coffee dates, dinners for eating and reheating, and lots of quality time with friends and family -- just what the Dr ordered. 

Thank you to everyone who has helped me to see the sunshine through the clouds these past few weeks -- I appreciate you more than I can say.

Take a minute and think about a couple of things that make you happy today, and get your smile on!

Xoxo

Angie

One to grow on

February for me is a month for starting fresh.

Because I've decided to be Awesome, instead of sad.

Source: imgfave.lg1x8z.simplecdn.net via Angie on Pinterest

February is an awesome month for starting something that you'd like to make a habit, because as it goes: It takes 28 days to make and break habits, so "they" say. And (usually) February has 28 days... but this year, because the Universe knows I'll need a cheat day, there are 29. One to grow on.

Clint and I are starting in on another (ahem) weight-loss journey. We have yet, either of us, to return to our pre-baby weights.... from Isaiah. I should maybe also mention that I am an emotional eater and drinker -- so in the past three weeks I have gained almost 7 pounds. Whoops.

We've come close in the past to hitting our goals but we always get busy, and hungry, and backslide. This time might not be any different, but we're going to get back on the wagon.... and try hard not to fall off -- in February.

In light of what we have been enduring lately we have decided that starting fresh is the best we can do right now. So, we have decided to try and lose some emotional and physical baggage before we try all of that again. Not to mention, I am Maid of Honor in not one but TWO weddings this year! I am so honored, but I am not looking forward to looking chubby in a pretty+expensive dress, not to mention all the pictures. So, here we are again.

Are you on Pinterest? I am.

I am very in to quotes... and uuubber into Pinterest. My quote board has some salty language, and they vary from inspirational to snarky and hilarious. Here are some that I find relevant today...

Source: etsy.com via Angie on Pinterest

 

Source: maryruffle.tumblr.com via Angie on Pinterest

Source: letsmakeahealthiertomorrow.tumblr.com via Angie on Pinterest

I hope to have the below issue in a couple of months time...

Source: prischarming.tumblr.com via Angie on Pinterest

"My milkshake brings all the boys to yard.... " So funny. So high school.

Source: superswoon.com via Angie on Pinterest

I'm going to leave it there. Are you inspired? Would you like to hang out virtually on Pinterest? Haha. Happy February friends.

Xo
Angie